Fired!

I’m going to start this post as I always do – in the middle. I’ve had a bit of an awful day, full of ups and downs (of which I will only partially blame on hormones), research, tears and some brief moments of enlightenment.

Recently, I have been told that it is very likely that I have ADD. I’m sure this comes as no surprise to anyone that has read my previous posts, but having been told in my late teens/early twenties that I likely do NOT have ADD, it has thrown me for a bit of a loop. The main body of my day has been spent researching the topic, and for the most part I could not relate with the struggles of others who had it, namely celebrities.

This was one of the searches I conducted “celebrities with ADD”. I was overjoyed to see the likes of Jim Carrey, Will Smith and Woody Harrelson listed among the celebrities that have reported being diagnosed with ADD, or ADHD – but the one that stood out the most to me was Michele Rodriguez. She is one of my favourite actresses – always possessing a very strong female presence, with plenty of attitude to boot.

Plus, she’s absolutely gorgeous!

She reported having troubles concentrating when she is alone.

Now THAT I can relate to. I spent the majority of the day unable to concentrate, and at times fell into a serious rut.

NEWSFLASH: I spent the day entirely alone.

I often feel that way when I am sent home – which is what I’m beginning to call it. I come up with excuses to leave… a great example today is my rather spontaneous trip to Best Buy to obtain an inexpensive printer (main reason why to be revealed later on in the post) – and then contemplated on my way home doing what I so often do now, which is sitting in the guest parking lot in the car, doing whatever I can using my phone and listening to music. I simply DO NOT want to be confined to my room, alone.

For me, having learned that I am not alone (ha!) in my inability to be productive when I am alone is a major breakthrough. I used to believe this restlessness was connected to a co-dependency issue, or worse. However, I have spent a couple long-term, live-in relationships developing my independence in terms of my own circle of friends, hobbies, and interests (and finances) to the point that I very willingly seek stimuli OUTSIDE of my relationships. So I know that it’s not that I am necessarily in need of attention, or AFRAID to be alone – I just find it easier to concentrate and be inspired and productive when I am not alone. It quiets the mind.

A good example of that would be that I would have spent a great deal of the afternoon immersed in making a delicious and healthy dinner – if I had the means, and a good environment in which to do so, and of course, someone to then share it with. Perhaps the act of sharing itself, is part of what motivates me.

Now that I have that out of the way…

I’m back at square one, folks. A little over a week ago I was canned from my “first real job”. At the time, I didn’t take it personally – and I think, in a way, I’m still not taking it personally on a social level. The more experience I get as an adult in this world, the more flawed I find it to be (imagine that). Although I’ve been told my whole life that I’m different, and although I’ve been “rejected” many times at school, at work, in relationships and friendships, because of the way I personally go about things, it is still not something I see as solely a problem with myself. My recent depression and shot to my confidence has more to do with the question of – well, if I didn’t fit in THERE, where do I fit in? Or more importantly, how do I proceed in this life, in this world, as a creative adult?

My research has taken me through boring, and depressingly dry articles on the “epidemic” of ADD/ADHD in children and adults, and the means of treating it mostly through behavioural modification and medication. The conclusion I have come to is this… I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in it as a condition that needs to be treated this way. I believe that you can slap the label of “ADD/ADHD” on almost any creative or innovative thinker, and that the problem is not with “us”, but with the lack of progression in the way we approach daily life in schools and in our places of work. Apparently this makes me a genius on the level of professor’s with PhD’s, because this amazing gentleman completely agrees with me.

Wasn’t the illustration and animation in that thing incredible? Kudos to whomever created that presentation.The voice you heard actually presenting the information that you saw so cleverly “drawn” right before your eyes, was none other than Sir Ken Robinson (PhD). He has become one of my new idols, and he too disagrees with this sentiment.

RANDOM NOTE: Apparently more men than women are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, which may explain why I have always found it easier to make friends with males. Just a thought…

So all of this brings me back to some of what I talked about in my previous post (On Sitting and Standing). A prime example of our lack of innovation and forward progression is having known for, however long we’ve known for, that sitting for prolonged periods of time is BAD for us, but still doing nothing about it. We also know that repetitive heavy lifting of objects, or simply standing for hours on end is terrible for our bodies, and minds. We KNOW this is bad for us, but we still deem it to be OK, and something that we should, all of us, not SERIOUSLY complain about having to do at WORK.

Now that I’m looking into going back to school for health, fitness and well-being promotion, I realize that schools still go about things the same way they always have, too. In a straight line, with the main goal of making money and producing drones that can simply regurgitate what they’ve been taught, and simply show up to work, coffee in hand with a smile on their face – whether they are happy or not. Not to say that everyone that has been able to turn a passion into their work is always wide-eyed and bushy-tailed when they start their day… but, it’s the difference of satisfaction at the END of the day.

Ken talks about his ideal place of learning being much more flexible, with no heavy preference towards mathematics/sciences and language vs. the arts. He sees that by the time kids turn 13 or 14, they are starting to develop preferences, and their personal talents and strengths start to shine through. This is where school REALLY needs to change and adapt. At this point, there needs to be a way of personalizing that individual’s curriculum and schedule to consider EVERYTHING about them. Ken also sees that different people work better at different times of the day, and some kids may have a higher social maturity than others, and be more comfortable in a class with older kids. This is something I’ve been saying since I dropped out of high school. I also think this is a great time to travel and explore, and to even get work experience. The cherry on top would be to implement all of this to our current education system, while completely removing the pressure to go to college, and to decide before you’re 18yrs old WHAT you want to do for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I mean, look at me. I’ve been to college twice now, and I’m only 25. I’ve had many MANY different jobs, mostly in retail. I’ve traveled, I’ve moved around and been through a couple serious relationship in which I learned a lot about myself, and I still don’t know how someone like ME fits into this world. Mayhap, if I had had more opportunities to personalize my education, or even to prolonge it (I sincerely feel like I should still be in school, exploring and learning as many different subjects as interest me), that I would at the very least FEEL more successful than I do now. And maybe even have a better idea of what I do want to do. How I wish to contribute… Right now, a lot of it is stifled simply by the way things ARE.

I have no interest in getting another job in another company that is stuck using the same business model that their father’s used running their businesses, savy? I also have no interest in becoming successful only by conforming to the way things currently are, because that is not a solution to the problem. That doesn’t help anyone else… that just allows me to MAYBE pay off my school loans by the time I’m wearing adult diapers. This is where you might say… well that… DEPENDS 😉

Who am I kidding, I could probably use these NOW.

So… My conclusion is that I’m right, and always have been. The problem isn’t me, or my friends – many of whom have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, and were either bullied in school, had troubles in school, or are the black sheep in their families. It is with our general lack of progress as a society on a WHOLE. We do not approach education – which is where we SHOULD be developing our personal strengths in preparation for becoming a contributing INDIVIDUAL of society, in a way that encourages or promotes our individual talents. What our schools are essentially doing is promoting one thing, computation for consistent output. You know what? We have COMPUTERS for that. I strongly believe that we are not properly utilizing firstly, what we KNOW, and secondly, technology, to change the way we approach education and work.

I guess the question now is… what do I have to do to help change this?

My recent printer purchase is for research, but mostly for printing off resumes. Unless I decide to scrap the whole kit and kaboodle, and move (TEMPORARILY) back home – I’m going to have to find another job. In the mean time, however, I have a lot to think about.

My goal is to promote positive change. I may not have been raised in a manner that promoted my personal talents, but it’s not too late to find out what they are, and then apply them to help others. If there is anything I care about, it’s about the freedom to be who you are.

Perhaps my teenaged-self, prepared to storm the world one Wal-Mart at a time in a movement I called “End the Rat Race”, wasn’t far off, after all.